YAPLive: Influence and Negotiation Masterclass with David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jayson Waller, and Jennifer Cohen | Cut Version
YAPLive: Influence and Negotiation Masterclass with David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jayson Waller, and Jennifer Cohen | Cut Version
The ability to navigate negotiations and influence people are two of the most important skills to have today. Luckily, these skills can be taught and mastered. Experts David Meltzer, Heather Monahan, Jayson Waller, and Jennifer Cohen agree that negotiating and influencing require some similar skills including, the right mindset, confidence, authenticity, and using the power of body language. In this YAPLive, Hala, David, Heather, Jayson, and Jennifer chat about how to gain influence, how to make a good first impression, body language hacks for gaining influence, and their top tips for negotiating.
– The importance of first impressions and how to make a good one
– Best tips to negotiate a deal
– David’s keys to negotiations
– Why is frequency important in negotiation and building a brand?
– Mindset and meditation in negotiation
– Negotiating with the person who can say yes
– Body language during a sales deal
– Tips for virtual negotiations
– Q & A: How to use your influence wisely
– Q & A: How to negotiate with referral partners
– How to expand your network
– Q & A: Tips to develop the skill of being an influencer?
– Q & A: Podcast recommendations that exemplify principles talked about?
– Does negotiation and influence vary between men and women?
– And other topics…
David Meltzer is the Co-Founder of Sports 1 Marketing, a three time best-selling author, a consultant and business coach, a keynote speaker, and the host of The Playbook Podcast.
Heather Monahan is a 2X best-selling author, the host of the podcast, Creating Confidence, TedX speaker, and is a member of the Board of Directors of Healthlynked Corp. Heather was named top 50 Keynote Speaker in the World 2022.
Jayson Waller is the founding CEO of Pink Energy, the host of the podcast “True Underdog,” and the author of The Wall Street Journal best-selling book “Own Your Power.”
Jennifer Cohen is a best-selling author, brand strategist, international speaker and educator. She was recently named “100 Most Influential People in Health and Fitness” by Greatist and is currently ranked #16 “Most Impactful Fitness Entrepreneurs” by Web MD.
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David’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidmeltzer2/
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David’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidmeltzer/?hl=en
Heather’s Website: https://heathermonahan.com/
Heather’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theheathermonahan/
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[00:00:00] So Heather, let's talk about influence. And I think this is something that, you know, a lot about and really a big part of it is just being likable. A big part of it is first impressions, right? And, and I personally feel that a first impression can almost last a lifetime with someone. And if you make a great first impression, you've made a great influence on that person.
[00:00:23] And they'll think of you in a high regard. So let me hear your thoughts about first impressions and then I'll, I'll share mine as well.
[00:00:31] Sure. You know, obviously first impressions are important, but the most important thing is really being yourself. You know, when you show up as the most true real version of yourself, you're going to have the most connection with somebody else.
[00:00:48] Oftentimes I see people if they're nervous or they're trying to dress away, that they typically wouldn't dress. Cause they're trying to impress them. When somebody else that always backfires and I, you know, I've seen it happen so many times versus when someone just shows up, you know, dress the way they like the way they like to wear their hair and, you know, the colors they like.
[00:01:09] And when you show up as yourself, you really begin to connect with people and influence all begins with that. You know, initial connection, whether it's the first time you meet or, you know, whenever you're spending time with somebody.
[00:01:22] Yeah. So I totally agree. They say that our first impression, it takes like 14 seconds for somebody to make a first impression on you.
[00:01:30] And then it will take years to break that initial first impression. And so one of my favorite authors, his name is Dr. Jack Schaeffer. He was actually a first person to ever come on young and profiting podcast. He taught me something called an eyebrow flash head tilt and. And basically that, you know, when you see somebody for the first time you want to walk straight up and then you want to tilt your head, flash your eyebrows and give them a smile and tilting your head and actually showing that part of your neck that you know, is really it's like basically showing like in the animal world, it's like showing that part of your neck means that you trust somebody so much that like, they could basically like kill you because that artery in your neck is so important.
[00:02:14] And so when you tilt your head, It like sh you know, people just trust you more. So that's a tip, a head tilt, eyebrow flash, and a smile.
[00:02:24] Well, what that's really based in is vulnerability, right? And anytime that you are vulnerable and you show up to a conversation explaining, oh my gosh, I just had the worst morning and here's what's going on and sharing that, you know, honest, real transparent version of yourself.
[00:02:41] That's exposing your example of that, that portion of the neck. And there's so many ways to do that. And that's one of the fastest ways to really connect with people.
[00:02:50] Yeah. I love that. So Jennifer Cohen has joined. Hi, Jennifer, do you want to just introduce herself?
[00:02:56] But you just did a for me. I'm Jennifer.
[00:02:58] Nice to meet you guys. Heather, I've heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you. I just wanted to add a little piece to what you guys were just saying. First impressions, I think are important, but what I think is even more important are last impressions because when you meet somebody, the last thing that they're going to remember after they meet you.
[00:03:16] That last 20 seconds of how you made them feel? I think actually first impressions could actually be changed throughout that experience. If you're and your last impression, it's usually much more effective to how that person, like I said, for like remembers you by.
[00:03:33] Yeah, I think, I think that's a really, really amazing point.
[00:03:37] So since we've got two sales gurus right here, Heather and Jason are, are two of the best sellers that I've ever met in my life. Let's talk about negotiation in sales. So Jason, let's start with you. Since you put yourself on the hot seat, what are your best tips when it comes to negotiating a deal?
[00:03:54] I think confidence. I think looking someone right into their face. If it's in person, if it's going to be in zoom, you need to make sure you're not reading, but that you have a pitch ready. Whether you've memorized it. You're passionate. Passion is felt. It's not said it's not heard. They have to feel it.
[00:04:11] People buy on emotion. So if they feel you're excited about something or they feel that you're passionate about something, then they're going to buy. And if you're negotiating, you never negotiate against yourself. You let other people bid against themselves. Don't go in there with the first price of the first bid, anytime.
[00:04:29] Always let them come in first. That would be my
[00:04:32] tips. So you're saying never, never tell your price first. You've got to wait until the person says their price because oh, I'm
[00:04:38] talking to different aspects. So I'm saying if, if you're selling something, you need to be confident and have your pitch and tell the price.
[00:04:43] If you're negotiating a deal between somebody like we're going to buy your company or, you know, what do you think this is worth something different like that you'd never want to, or you're buying a house. You never want it or selling a house. You don't want to negotiate against yourself. You want to make sure that they bring the first offer to the table.
[00:05:00] So you know where their head is, where they're starting, and then you can beat that up. You don't want to open your mouth first in a negotiation. Anytime you're selling something, they're two different things. You want to have confidence and you want to make sure that you're passionate about that and build value in the product.
[00:05:15] So therefore they're going to, it doesn't matter what the price.
[00:05:18] Gotcha. Heather, what do you think Jason
[00:05:21] brings up some really good points there. Agree with everything that he said, you know, I just started teaching a course at Harvard has crazy as that is, uh, two weeks ago and yesterday was our second class and one of the students brought up an example of a negotiation that she was in and hearing how she had hit.
[00:05:40] She was stuck. She didn't know how to get beyond an objection, and she really felt she had hit a stalemate. And I'll tell you for me, in negotiations, in business, I have found that I rely on story to get me out of difficult situations. Right. So if you find yourself in a situation you were saying, they're not coming around to my way of thinking.
[00:06:01] They're just not getting. Share a story. And this is to Jason's point around emotion. When you can get people out of their head and out of the analytics of something and get them to relate to a story, you can take them on a journey in their mind, which can really change a conversation in a very emotional and very powerful way.
[00:06:22] The other thing that I would suggest is always, always, always, this is my number one goal in any meeting and there's, there's two things that I would suggest you be an active listener from the word go there is science behind this. When you are actively asking curiosity based questions about another person and allowing them to speak and nodding your head and parroting a little bit back to make sure you're hearing them correct.
[00:06:48] They're brain will begin to emit dopamine. And when that's something that happens when people do drugs, right? Like that's how powerful this tool is. Active listening is the biggest Jedi mind trick move. You can pull on someone because you begin a conversation about business. You open it up through great questions and curiosity, and genuinely paying attention and wanting to hear a response.
[00:07:11] And now you have begun. Their brain is now emitting dopamine. And that person is saying, wow, this person's amazing. I, I love talking to them because you're actively listening to them, which happens very, very rarely throughout our day. So that's tip number one. Tip two is the whole goal. When you sit down with.
[00:07:31] If you're trying to sell something or negotiate something is to have them empty their glass. So my goal is I want to know every possible objection, every possible concern. And I want it all laid out on the table in front of me. So I know what roadblocks I'm up against. And then I start planning in my mind how I can
[00:07:49] overcome them.
[00:07:50] I love those pieces of advice. The thing that I like the most are like, what really resonated with me was when you were saying that you, you ask them a lot of questions. So I think that goes back to getting people, to like you, when you ask questions to people and you seem interested in their life, whether it's about work or their personal life, they start to like you, because they feel like, oh, this person really cares about my life.
[00:08:14] And people just generally love talking about themselves. So if you get somebody to talk about themselves, the like you more, and then you have a little bit more. Power in the negotiation because they like you more. And then secondly, listening and silence means that they have to do the talking and information is power and in negotiation information is your power.
[00:08:34] So, uh, totally think those are great tips. Jen, do you have anything to add
[00:08:38] here? I mean, I think you guys both said every, everyone here has said exactly what I would have said, which is the, well, the active listening is I think is extremely important and people do love to talk to them about themselves, which makes them feel connected.
[00:08:50] So, yeah, I just have to second, everything that both of you said and keeping them talking as much as possible, the less that you speak has always been when I'm the most effective. Like when I speak to the least amount in that type of environment always is like I said, the most effective,
[00:09:08] you know, what that's, I want to bring up one piece of advice that one of my clients shared with.
[00:09:12] She had a problem doing what Jen just described, which is staying silent in the moment and not speaking, she used to get very uncomfortable. So she went and bought one of those, you know, squeezed stress balls. And she disappointed herself too. Whenever she felt uncomfortable on a zoom negotiation with someone, she put her hand underneath the table and just squeeze it as many times as she needed to, until the other person spoke.
[00:09:39] And it was a great, you know, catch all for her so that now she had a way to stop herself from speaking.
[00:09:46] Yeah. That, that is so true. Right. Because I think people get very uncomfortable and very, very awkward when, when they're silenced people, don't like that feeling of silence. And, you know, if you can do any kind of tip or trick like that to even remind yourself that it's okay.
[00:10:01] That's a good one though. I like that. The stress of.
[00:10:05] We were talking previously about tips when it comes to negotiating a deal and sales. And so since Jason and David joined late to the conversation, David, I love to hear your top tips for negotiating a sales day.
[00:10:21] Yeah. So, first of all, there's three real rules in negotiation. Number one, never negotiate to the last penny to always be fair in three don't do business with dicks. Uh, and when I say Dick's, I mean, someone with a closed mind, it's going to take you a thousand times the energy to negotiate with some of the close mind as it does to someone with an open mind, the key to negotiation is to come prepared with what value you can bring and what value that you're looking for and prioritize each of those lists of values so that you know, where you could give up and what you can give up in the name of abundance.
[00:10:56] So going in with faith, that there's more than enough in the deal for everyone and every, every thing in the deal. But most importantly, I think it's energetic that, you know, Capability to articulate value that exceeds the value you're asking for. That's a great component. If you're capable of articulating a value that exceeds the value you're you're asking for, but I think there's an energetic component to it.
[00:11:21] I know this will resonate with my friend, Jen, over there in the corner, but I believe that I carry the same hundred 20 energy in my deals that energetic I'm certain in, beyond my own conscious belief in the articulation of that value, but even subconsciously and unconsciously, I'm carrying that frequency, that authenticity that, Hey, look, I'm here giving you more than I'm asking for.
[00:11:44] And can you see any reason you won't want to move forward? So I think if you follow those tips, you will exceed the expectations of you, your clients, and others by creating abundance, by truly believing there's more than enough in the deal for everyone and everything. And that seems to resonate and come true in more deals than not for me.
[00:12:04] Yeah, I love that. I love the fact that you brought up mindset and all of this, because I think having that right mindset, having pure good intentions being on that high frequency in terms of your vibration is super important. And David, I know that you're all about like a fast high frequency. So can you tell us more about that?
[00:12:23] Like what makes a good frequency? Why is that important when we're meeting new people or influencing deals, making new friends, like, why does that matter? So
[00:12:32] frequency is exactly relative, relative to vibration. And it's my philosophy or understanding that vibration allows us in a directly related to awareness.
[00:12:43] And the fact that we can only be aware of that which vibrates equal to, or less than us. Therefore, if we're enjoying the consistent persistent pursuit of our potential, increasing our vibration or. Elevating it plateauing and growing each day, by understanding what our frequency is by starting by looking within to see what we want outside of us, that we can be aware of more things.
[00:13:07] And awareness is critical because we understand where people are coming from that makes us more gracious, more forgiving, more empathetic, more accountable. Uh, countability tells us when to buy or sell. It also reveals different deficiencies that exist in other people or interferences, voids, and shortages that we may want to avoid.
[00:13:26] It allows us to trust people, but still be confident in vetting them. And for me, frequency not only is important in the negotiation side of things to raise awareness because awareness is the most valuable thing we can have, but it's also critical of building your brand. And so I know the other thing that I stepped into her walked into and Jason and Jen were talking, you look your frequencies, your signal, and the greater your frequency, the stronger.
[00:13:53] The wider, the spectrum you'll reach and the clearer the message. Remember, it's not what I say. It's what you hear. And all the content that I provide, I love when I'm not clear. And the reason I love it is I just cracked up that people aren't hearing me. I did a Robin hood video about the stock market, and I clearly indicated in my mind that I was giving my opinion about the stock market and.
[00:14:17] Uh, you know, it was very popular video, but it pissed off a whole bunch of people because it wasn't what I was saying. It was what they were hearing that is all relative to your frequency or vibration in your awareness. And so I spend a majority of my time actually looking within, I meditate. I have a stop drop and roll methodology to regulate what I call a baseline of my day.
[00:14:38] I believe everyone has ego-based interference all day long. It's those people that can spend minutes and moments in the ego-based consciousness compared to those people that spend days, weeks, months, or years there that truly use their free will to clear the connection to that already exists. That abundant world of more than enough of everything for everyone.
[00:14:59] I think that's really powerful. Does anybody else have anything to add when it comes to mindset and things like that?Hey, holla, may I add to what David was saying? And thank you, David and Jason, I think this is the second room I've been in with you both and you guys have been givers and David also spent some time with me, um, after that, and I just can't even tell you how appreciative I am of.
[00:15:26] His support and those three tenants of negotiation really, you know, always being fair and making sure that it is, um, that you're really thinking ahead and thinking about it being a win-win and not negotiating with dicks, I thought. Brilliant. But I also, the energy it's so refreshing to hear people talk about energy and resonance.
[00:15:54] And as I've gotten more into my own path of energy and really understanding how to move it throughout my body, it's also helped me in order to, um, mirror and be, you know, Put my voice in the right resonance for the right room, rather than being, you know, overly aggressive or, um, outstanding as I typically am as well.
[00:16:19] Jason. So I I've learned to be able to tone it down and to be able to engage those mirror neurons of the people that I am engaging with and be more effective. So I just wanted to echo that and reinforce the, seeing the things that are unseen and seeing that we do live in an abundant world and coming from that place of abundance only brings more of it.
[00:16:44] Yeah. I, I totally agree. I think those were great pieces of value that you shared. So thank you for sharing that. And um, if I could just add to that, I think when it comes to. Putting your best self first and, and any sort of meeting or in any sort of negotiation that you're with someone, if you truly believe that what you're saying is true and you have good intentions and that you did the work and that you're prepared and that you truly are the expert, and you've done all the due diligence, you're not faking it till you make it right.
[00:17:14] Like, I hate that piece of advice. Fake it till you make it. You're the real thing. Right. Then you feel that confidence and I feel like that's portrayed and people just trust what you say more because it's real. Right. I think people can smell a phony. What do you guys think?
[00:17:29] I agree.
[00:17:32] Yeah, I agree. I agree.
[00:17:34] I just wanted to add that, you know, in competence is important, right? In any situation, especially when you're going in for a negotiation feeling that you're prepared and competent, et cetera. However, sometimes when you can't push forward, you may have to draw some lines and risk walking away from a deal entirely.
[00:17:53] I'll never forget. When I pitched myself for a VP of sales position that didn't exist at the time, I knew it was best for the company. I had seen the opportunity through my boss's eyes. I had laid things out. There was no reason he should say no. And in the end he kept saying, no, not right now, not right now.
[00:18:10] So I went and got another job offer came back to that, meeting back to that table, with him, with all of my confidence and with, you know, a lever I could pull pitch to him again. And he said, no again. And I said, well, then I'm giving my resignation. It's been great working with you. And he said, hang on this.
[00:18:25] He excused himself from that negotiation made a phone call, came back and said, I'd like to offer you the VP of sales position. I said, where did you go? And he said, I had to call my father. I can't make this decision on my own. And that taught me a really important lesson. It doesn't matter how confident you are.
[00:18:42] If you're not dealing with the ultimate decision maker in a negotiation, you can't afford to take a no from someone who can't tell you. Yes,
[00:18:50] Let's talk about body language, right? So body language is super important when it comes to getting influenced. When it comes to negotiation, what are your opinions in terms of the type of body language that you should portray?
[00:19:02] Let's say when you're going into a sales deal and you, and you want to win the deal, maybe Jason or David, do you want to kick off?
[00:19:09] First of all body language is an indicator of your, your energy or your frequency. So number one valuable thing you have in a negotiation is your smile. You know, it's amazing.
[00:19:20] We do not want to create more resistance than already exists in a negotiation because fear is always present in a negotiation fear of. There's this feeling as if, if I get something that means you lose. And so what we want to do is through our body language and our energy and our frequency, we want to resolve that interference.
[00:19:39] We want to resolve that resistance. And so a smile is a key way of disarming people. And then secondly, eye contact for me, smiling and continual eye contact are the two most important components of body language. And then more importantly, you know, there's three types of listeners. There's in a negotiation, there's an interrupter, which they're not listening to.
[00:20:03] One thing you're saying they're difficult to negotiate and all they care about is interrupting you to. The more difficult person to me, less obsequious is the waiter is the person that pretends like they're listening to you, but they're just waiting to tell you what they think. And it makes it very difficult to negotiate with a waiter.
[00:20:23] And then there's a person who processes and then hears you and listens to you. And all the other body language that I have beyond the smile and eye contact is indicative of being present and interested. Not interesting. And so if you take those three components, your smile, your eyes, and the body language that says I'm interested, I'm not an interrupter or a waiter, a you're going to have an incredible success by disarming and reducing the resistance that is natural occurrence in a negotiation.
[00:20:55] I love that. I love the fact that you brought up eyes. I just want to share something really quickly that I learned from chase Hughes. He's an FBI agent that I interviewed a few times and he taught me something about blink rate. And essentially when you're first meeting someone and you know, it could be on a date.
[00:21:10] It doesn't have to be like some professional setting. If you just take like notice how often they blink and when they're blinking really fast, that means that they're unengaged. They're not interested in what you're saying. It's time to move the topic over. And so if you notice when people are blinking really fast, that's always a cue to like switch the topic or that you're not really performing as well as you could be.
[00:21:30] I'm going to have to steal and use that. Okay. Cause I think when I talked to like my wife or my kids, man, they, I think they blink all the time. I don't think they listen to anything I say. So David that's, that's great advice on the body language. I love that. I, every I'm going to piggyback exactly what David said to mostly.
[00:21:47] When you're sitting down there, you know, we, we teach our energy consultants and I've come from the home services field where we door knocked and that we tell a marketed, and now we do digital marketing and we send someone into the home to do a in-home presentation. And we tell them, like, David mentioned, you want to disarm that customer.
[00:22:05] You want them, you know, that you're walking in. Even if they raised their hand and said, I want to learn information about this product. I want to do this. I want to do that. I'm interested in solar. Come show me what it's like. Right? When you walk in the door, their fences up, their guard is up and you have to find a way to bring that down.
[00:22:21] You have to engage them, talk to them about things that they like listening to them, asking them questions. Don't seem too salesy. You know, when you start to bring that guard down and making a friend and build trust. It really becomes a lot easier to, to walk them down the lane of, of, you know, being interested in your product.
[00:22:41] But if, if you come in and you're too pushy and you're, you're just too much, that those days are old, like those, you know, let me come into the house and those, those hard. Sales that those don't exist anymore. That you know, this isn't the old car dealerships, this isn't the old way of selling. People have information on their phones.
[00:23:01] They can download it and do reviews and, and do research and check everything that they need to check. So you need to find a way to have, you know, be credible, be honest, look them in the eyes, be confident, keep your shoulders back, keep your back up and be able to engage in real conversation. I always say passion, or like Jennifer mentioned earlier, storytelling, people buy an emotion.
[00:23:23] So when you're able to relate a story to what you're offering, that guard continues to come down and they listen, they're engaged because it's like a movie or a commercial. It's not somebody just, you know, talking to them about something that they're nervous of, of getting, getting into that. They don't want to do it.
[00:23:41] Yeah, I think that's really great. Heather, you are the confidence creator. You've got to have some advice in terms of body language.
[00:23:47] Yeah. One of the things that I think we need to call out is that everyone's doing negotiations on zoom now. Right. Which is entirely different than in person. So a few things that I found really helpful is to have great lighting.
[00:24:01] You know, when people you want to appear, right. And like David said, you want to be smiling. You want to be really mindful of how you come across on zoom and also be mindful that the people you're negotiating with, they might've just come off of eight back-to-back zoom meetings and they're over it. Right.
[00:24:16] So how are you going to get their attention? How are you going to snap them out of that rut? Maybe their kids in the next room on zoom. AKA my life. So, you know, you want to be empathetic to them. If you want to have done your research and be aware of their situation. One of the things that I found really powerful during this time is standing for me.
[00:24:36] When I do a call or a negotiation standing, I'm going to have more energy. I'm going to be more likely to smile. I'm going to be more likely to be really engaged and also use my body to illustrate my words and tell the story. Not only with my words, but with my body and that embellish people that really pulls people in, and it has a really positive.
[00:24:57] I love that. Heather, thank you guys so much for everybody who newly joined the room. You're listening to young and profiting podcast. I'm here with Heather Monahan. Jason Waller, David Meltzer, Jen Cohen. I was just on, and John Lee Dumas should be joining us any minute now. Um, I think this app is having major glitches today.
[00:25:15] Unfortunately, uh, growing pains of this, uh, really cool app that we all love. If you guys have a question for any of the mods, please raise your hand. We'll pull you up on stage. The topic of today is influence and negotiation. I'm going to kick off. The next question is from Tiffany. How can we help you when it comes to influence?
[00:25:34] One question that I have is what tips do you have to use? Any influence you have wisely? And then I just wanted to give my flowers to David because we've worked with him previously because I am a publicist depressed, passed that way. Thanks. I think, I think that's a great question. So you're saying like, if you have influence already, like what is your question?
[00:25:51] Exactly. Can you elaborate if we have influenced already? How can you use your influence.
[00:25:56] Wow. Well, first of all, thank you. You know, everyone has influence and you know, the segmentation of that influences so important to realize that, you know, for me, even when I started to build my brand and had the great help of Jen and Heather, I know you two are involved very early.
[00:26:16] It was those types of people that assisted me because I kept a focus of who I truly was influencing what my purpose was. And that was to empower Heather and Jen to empower other people and for them to help me empower other people. And so I think whether you see yourself as an influencer is. Whether or not, you're an influencer.
[00:26:35] It's how am I going to influence in what frequency or what message or mission do I have for me, it's simple now in this stage of my life, it's happiness. So, you know, I'm very clear on utilizing and empowering other people, one person at a time, but making sure that I give it the consideration and energy and it's not.
[00:26:55] As it grows and grows to make sure that you personally are responding to the emails and the DMS and the comments and figuring out, you know, systematic ways to be cryptic or cut and paste certain responses and identify what people are asking or have the right introductions. But everybody in here as an influencer, and you just don't know how impactful you are to one person with one statement I can tell you is your audience grows.
[00:27:21] You'll see, people will tell you, oh my gosh, four years ago, you told me to say, thank you before I went to bed. And when I woke up and here's, what's happened in my life. Thank you so much for reminding me to do that or some other really simple things. Dennis Waitley, who's an old school sales trainer of mine, pretty world famous, probably in his seventies or 80.
[00:27:40] Now he had a great statement that said, I'm planting seeds under trees. I may never sit under. And so whether or not you consider yourself an influencer, my biggest suggestion would be. Not whether you are an influencer, who do you want to influence and how that's the bigger question to ask. And when you get clarity, balance and focus on that, you can have an extraordinary influence that will have a great impact far beyond what you'll ever even imagine.
[00:28:08] So Wesson you're up next? How can we help you? Hi everyone. How are you today? Good. Thank you. Good. So my
[00:28:16] question is
[00:28:16] you guys have been talking about just, you know, clients and just going into like customers and doing with that. My question is totally different because I'm listening and I'm like, okay, so
[00:28:26] are all
[00:28:26] well, I have a question about like speaking to referral partners,
[00:28:31] if any of you can like, you know, have an idea of how to approach a referral partner
[00:28:36] and not having them
[00:28:38] thing right away that, oh, I want to be partners with you and your business.
[00:28:42] And that's how I'm going to give you my business or what's in it for me. And when I explained to them like the value that I bring and, and like, you know how I'm going to make them look good in front of their clients, how their clients are going to
[00:28:53] love them because of the process,
[00:28:54] how I'm going to like, you know, ease their process.
[00:28:57] And they're,
[00:28:58] you know, the insurance is not going to hold back their closing
[00:29:02] and you know, they're going to have more closing and all this stuff. I still always
[00:29:06] get, I
[00:29:07] want to be partners with you. So how do I
[00:29:09] overcome. I tell people, I mean, I've had many times where people like, I want to, I want to be partners and do things.
[00:29:15] And they did. I just say, I'm not looking for a partner right now, but I can definitely work out a referral program. Anybody you send me, but you know, I always, especially if you're building a new business, I was never making money. I'm always reinvesting, you know, you pay your people first, you pay your vendor.
[00:29:30] Second, you reinvest back into your brand or your business. Third, any small, extra lift, you get to take a portion of that maybe. Right. So I would let them know, like I'm struggling, I'm reinvest in the business. There's no room for me to bring a apartment. I want to forge. I can't afford you, but I can pay you for a sales fee or a referral.
[00:29:49] I mean, I'd just be blunt and. You know, th th people, you know, they leverage relationships, family, friends, all the time. Sometimes they feel entitled or they want to kind of force their way into stuff. And I've learned the last few years to really stand ground and say, I can't do it. Sorry, but I don't mind helping out with this.
[00:30:07] And then moving on, they're not going to argue with that. It's just, you're not rude for saying that, but you gotta be blunt.
[00:30:14] Right. But Jason, um, here's the thing like I have, like, you know, said no to all of them and every person that I said no to that
[00:30:21] has approached me this. Well, not like refer me any
[00:30:24] of their business.
[00:30:25] So I'm just getting stuck here. That's all.
[00:30:28] Okay. Can I jump in real quick? So one other approach is to ask first, when someone wants to partner with you, ask what that looks like and then ask what they have done in the past are doing today. That is aligned with what that looks like and what success they have, what they like about it, what they don't like about it.
[00:30:49] And if you can get them to explain those things to you, what you'll be able to do is to create, and re-engineer their vision of that partnership to align with what's best for you, um, by utilizing transition statements, like, would it help you if I did this, would it help you if I did that. And in construct, instead of looking at the definition of referral partner and full blown partner, utilizing a compromise and understanding and appreciating what superpowers those people have and how you can align, utilize them synergistically or supplementary to what your doing that you may find.
[00:31:28] In some respects, you're cutting off opportunity by having such a black and white vision of a partnership that doesn't really exist. So, uh, the suggestion I would have is be a little bit more interested than interesting on what that looks like. See, what's working for them today. What's not working for them today.
[00:31:45] See where your capabilities, your skills, your knowledge of who and what, and your desire are aligned with synergistically or supplementary to what their aspiration is and see if you can't utilize abundance and re-engineering to actually. Transform what they want into more of a amalgamation of your referral program without using definitive terms, black and white terms, separating terms and closing off the business as you have.
[00:32:15] And you always have the backup offer. If there is no alignment, there's no synergy, no supplementary interest or skills, capabilities, or desire. You can always give an offer after learning about what they do. You'll see their mind and their energy open up to you. You then have a better statistical success in suggesting, well, maybe we could walk before.
[00:32:37] I mean, sorry. Maybe we could crawl before we walk, before we run, I can see how this may work, but I'd love to see how we work together and see how our values are aligned. Does that sound fair? And I think you'll have much more statistical success and at least leave the doors open when somebody doesn't get what they want from you.
[00:32:55] But I have a feeling that you're leaving a lot of opportunity on the table with so many people that want to partner with you.
[00:33:01] Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for your question. If you guys have a question for us, raise your hand. I am getting notes from my team that hand raising is glitching for people.
[00:33:11] So sorry if that's happening to you, keep trying, because we are able to sometimes see people raise their hand. So, um,Fran says, how can we help you? Hi. I wanted to ask David, if you could recommend a few podcasts that exemplify some of the principles that you've talked about,
[00:33:30] you know, on the podcast side, there's so many, I mean, some of them are here like Jason and Heather Allah, you know, it varies.
[00:33:38] I'm more a person, right? Utilizes audio books. So I'll study Napoleon hill. I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I studied the course of miracles, James clear atomic habits. You know, I love listening to my friends like Tom bill. You had my lead, Gary V. Those are great podcasts. In all their respects. I think there's also the sport of religion, which I really liked with Deepak and his son Gotham.
[00:34:04] But I think I get more out of than the podcast side because of the interview aspect of it. And that's what I do all day long. I get more out of old school, Napoleon hill, Dr. Wayne Dyer course in miracles. The strong philosophies that I have are historically based in understanding your values and really is where I came up with the components of gratitude, which gives me a perspective forgiveness with peace and certainty.
[00:34:33] Accountability gives me control and then the understanding of inspiration, meaning that I'm connected to this great source of light, love and lessons that comes through me to others. Now all of the podcasts that I listened to. In some way, in some variants with their own frequency are intertwined with the same philosophy that generally says, be gracious, be forgiving, be accountable, and be inspired.
[00:34:58] Be the best that you can be desire to be the best that you can be. I always say, enjoy the consistent everyday persistent without quit pursuit of your own potential. And each of those podcasters, I think indicate very nicely the potential they have in the message that they give to help others. So any of them are good, uh, but I'm, I'm more partial to reading and audio books.
[00:35:22] Thank you. I need to jump in here and hold you accountable. As my friend, you did apologize to Francis because you couldn't hear her, you know, our minds. Which is we shift to gratitude. We never
[00:35:34] Damn it. That's the second grade. Wait. No, no. I got to tell people that's the second best lesson that I learned.
[00:35:39] And I didn't know who told me that Heather, because I use it all the time. You say, thank you for your patience. Don't apologize. And I've used that a hundred times and I'm like, yeah, some woman gave me that. I forget who it was now. I know publicly. This is David Meltzer had an amount of hands, a genius.
[00:35:55] Thank you.
[00:35:57] She is. She is the best. So I'm going to wrap this up with one last question. We have Alexandra Carter who just joined she's uh, the world's number one female negotiation expert. We have Heather here, the number one female confidence expert. And then we have Jason and David here who are two very powerful, successful men.
[00:36:17] So I want to ask you guys does negotiation and influence vary between men and women and maybe Alexandra probably has a lot to say, and maybe she can kick it off.
[00:36:27] Yeah, I think she should kick it off females first.
[00:36:30] Oh man. Okay. Well toss a softball to me, holla to get it started. So hi everyone. I'm so happy to be here.
[00:36:38] Um, please call me Alex. I teach negotiation at Columbia law school and that a variety of places around the world, all from my home office in New Jersey now sitting in front of the computer. So I like to really engage with the question and to ask what do we consider to be power and influence? You know, the thing that I like to remind people is that when you show up at the negotiation table and most of the times, these days it's a virtual table, did you bring all of who you are to that table?
[00:37:14] And so. Your gender certainly would be one piece of that. And there have been certain observed differences between men and women and the way they negotiate needs, but that's not the only identity that people bring to the table. They bring a variety of different identities, right? Cultural and religious and educational and the way your family viewed conflict or negotiation.
[00:37:40] And so the advice that I give people is to bring your fullest self to the table. There is research to show that when you're negotiating authentically, like when you're not putting on a personal. That you're going to be at your most effective. And then beyond that, I think there are things that both men and women can learn from each other.
[00:38:01] I will say that I have coaches and mentors and the ones who are men sometimes encourage me to be bold, especially with my pricing with monetary terms. And I think that some of my coaches who are women are experts at gaining trust. And so there's always something for us to learn. Learning is great negotiation.
[00:38:21] I think that's awesome. Now does Jason or David have anything to say about, okay,
[00:38:25] go unless you gaze. Can I, can I just squeeze them because I got a jump and I love everybody, but I, my only perspective is I have tried and learn to look at feminine energy and masculine energy. I think I've damaged myself by looking at kind of men separate from women.
[00:38:45] And when I started to look introspectively on, you know, where's my feminine energy. And where's my masculine energy. It's really helped me in negotiation. It's also helped me to aluminate who I am. Uh, it's probably why cry so easily. And I have, you know, different aspects to my personality that I never thought I would in my thirties.
[00:39:04] And now that I'm in my fifties, I'm very comfortable with it. And so I think it's important if people in negotiation and influence can identify that we all have these energies within us. And it actually, I think brings us closer together and allows us to have better relationships with ourselves and with other people of different sexes and religions and understandings and socioeconomic bias, whatever it may be when we really understand our own energies, then we can, I think align better in all circumstances.
[00:39:35] So I have to jump. I just want to say thank you to holla. Jason Alexandra, Jen, who's not here anymore. And every single person that joined me, please reach out to me anytime. If you need anything, be kind to your future self and do good deeds. I'll see you guys next week.
[00:39:50] Thanks. Thanks, David.
[00:39:52] Thank you.
[00:39:54] That's hard to follow, but I'm going to try. Alexandra and David's answers were pretty tough. I'm going to say based on hiring and firing thousands of sales reps and the three companies I've built female, male, I always feel like females do a little better on a percentage basis. And I think a lot of it is a trust factor.
[00:40:13] They're not too pushy. I talked about it earlier in today's world. You don't need to be such an aggressive salesperson anymore. It's not. But with all the information at your fingertips with, you know, people reviewing and, and, and looking up information, they want to be educated and they just want to feel they can trust people.
[00:40:33] And I think that it, depending on the situation, I think that most women, when they come into a home and in-home type sales, I think that they do a little better than men does. I mean, that's just my opinion based on the results. I think they do that just because of the trust factor. Most men get too aggressive.
[00:40:51] Get too desperate to try to get the deal, try to talk too fast, where most women are better listeners in my opinion. So they're able to listen and then negotiate.
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